Time is a funny thing. When we’re young, we often think of it as our enemy, or what we have to get through to get to real living. We can’t wait until that next milestone–and when we’re young, that milestone (16, 18, 21, etc.) usually allows us to do something we couldn’t do before. So we don’t see the value of time and how to best use it because we just want to get it behind us.

But time can be our friend if we know how to look at it and how to make it work for us. Let me give you just two examples:

Relationships. Time can be the biggest gift you can give to someone you are in a relationship with, or want a relationship with. Control freaks push, insecure people push, but folks acting like grown-ups can take a breath and trust that time can be a creative force. It can allow for thoughts and feelings to fall into place in a healthy way. It can allow for deep problems that will need attention to come to the surface so they can be dealt with (and make the relationship better). It can allow a new and growing couple to get past those fun, wonderful, silly early phases of infatuation and dreams, and can bring them to a place of reality and real love, if that’s really where they want to go. As I’ve told my kids and all the folks I’ve counseled over the years, I don’t know anyone who regretted taking their time in a relationship, and literally EVERYONE who rushed a relationship has told me they lived to regret it, even if they ended up together permanently.

Doing schoolwork, especially papers. There is this wonderful thing that we all have that’s called the back of our brain. It’s an underutilized part of a student  that could be of tremendous help if it were ever allowed to operate. And what it needs to work is time, which has to be carved out of the time we all have. An example: What I tell my film students to do when writing a paper for me is to pick the topic they are going to cover, pick the film, and then see the movie once. Then I suggest that they take a few notes, and PUT THEM AWAY for a few days. What will likely happen is that, feeding on the gift of time, the back of the brain will put wonderful and creative thoughts together without the person being conscious of it. When they sit down to write the paper, they are usually shocked at how much of the paper has already been composed without their paying attention. The paper almost writes itself (or close to it).

If you’re one of those people that rushes relationships, relax and watch what the gift of time will give both of you. If you’re a student, realize that “I work better under pressure” is a myth, and that a little self-discipline with time can make life easier and will likely give you a better result. Try it sometime. And let me know what happened.